Building Margin into Your Life for Conversations
Look at your daily schedule. Are the hours scheduled down to the minute? Do you pack your schedule so tightly that there is little time for rest, reflection, and reading God’s Word? Do you allow time for holy and sacred interruptions which often unravel the best conversations with your spouse or children?
I hear all the excuses coming my way. I understand. However, if we are not building-in down-time for quality conversations with our spouse and children, then when they do happen, we’ll either resent them or fly right through them to keep things on schedule. If you are burning the candle at both ends, something has to give. Let the dust collect and decline the invitation; there are more important things to consider as you prioritize your marriage and rear your children.
Developing relationships between a parent and child take both quality and quantity of time. They are built on mutual trust and at times, can be messy. On the other hand, checking off our to-do list brings fulfillment and satisfaction. Which is more important to you, or which one comes more naturally?
Would you rather do for your family or be with your family? Yes, doing shows love, but being with and enjoying one another also shows love. What do you think Jesus desires more - to do for Him or to be with Him? A very wise author of Prayer Portions taught me, “we worship first and then out of our worship, we work.” Said another way, there can be no true ‘outer court’ ministry until we worship in the ‘inner court.’ That is true in the church and also in your family.
Do you desire to spiritually impact your family? Then carve out intentional time with Jesus and God’s Word. Pray and ask the Lord to show you how to set boundaries and schedule margin in your life to prioritize time with Him. Out of that loving relationship, you will listen well to your children. I like to say, “listen beyond the words.” Slow down and make time for unhurried conversations. If your desires are misaligned, ask Jesus to change your desires. He will answer that prayer.
As you stop rushing from one thing to the next, ask questions like, “Who was kind to you on the playground or in class?” “How were you helpful to a friend today?” “What was the best thing about school today?” My daughter asked her son on his first day of kindergarten, “Did your teacher take good care of you today?” There is a great deal wrapped up in that one question, isn’t there? He said, “Yes.” Likewise, I’m sure my daughter (his mom) could have responded likewise on her first day of kindergarten. Why? She had our very own Miss Connie as her teacher!
Your children are more likely to open up to you when they see you are not so rushed. Build in ‘down-time’ as a family. Older children take their cues from you. They know when you’re too busy, and they won’t want to bother you. Don’t send that message. Slow down. Time is the language that communicates love. Schedule a little time with each child at the end of the day and let that be a special time when you commit to understanding your child’s heart. And if another time of day is better, do that! Affirm your love, availability, and assurance of your willingness to always listen. All these thousands of conversations are important because conversations between parent and child build trust. And trust says to a child: Mom and Dad are safe; they love me no matter what.
