Snowplowing is Great for Snow-Not as a Parenting Style
Snowplow parenting is a type of parenting style that removes all obstacles and challenges from a child’s path to ensure success. In order to save a child from disappointment or failure, the parent becomes overly involved in every area of a child’s life – academics, friendships, sports, playground disputes, and so forth. Snowplowing can provide short-term success and stress-relief for a child; however, the effects of this parenting style can hinder long-term growth in the areas of emotional resiliency and critical thinking skills.
Parents who engage in this form of parenting genuinely desire to help their children and believe they are doing what is best for them when actually, the opposite is true. Plowing the road to remove struggles and trials is usurping the natural learning process. While it might make us feel better and alleviate our children’s tears, it is robbing children of natural consequences that develop strength of character. Taking the long-view approach and adopting the mindset that hard lessons are good lessons help us realize that we are not the ‘fixer’ of every problem or challenge. Resist the temptation to ‘clear the path’ by thinking that you’re doing your child a favor. You are not; you are thwarting the emotional health and growth of your child.
When opportunities arise for children to learn from struggles and disappointments, the character trait of resiliency develops. Romans 5: 3-4 tells us that our “trials bring about perseverance, proven character, and hope.” Naturally, support and nurture your child during times of trials and challenges, but do not circumvent the opportunity for God to use the situation to develop the character quality of resiliency through strengthening the muscle of perseverance.
Use disappointments and failures as teachable times. For example, has your child ever arrived at school without an important project? My child did and there were tears and a lower grade because of it. Did it hurt this mama’s heart? Yes, but I knew it was a teachable moment, and the stakes were low in the lower school. At the appropriate time we talked about the disappointment while I provided nurturing – also important for emotional health. This was followed by another conversation, which allowed my child to provide a solution for the next time. Such a learning opportunity!
Let me give you another example of resisting to plow the road: When my daughter was in middle school, another parent called me to discuss how we could ‘fix the mean girls’ – the popular ones who were not being nice to our daughters. Thankfully, I resisted the temptation to plow the road and chose instead, to teach my daughter to forgive from her heart. Eventually, the unkindness subsided. I believe it was the beginning of my daughter learning to trust God with her struggles while also learning the importance of forgiveness. As I look back, I see that this was a hard lesson for me to teach (this mama’s heart was hurting) and for her to learn, but one that brought about fruit in my daughter’s life.
Dr. Avil Beckford, Atlanta pediatrician, authored a book entitled, Allowing Your Kids to Fail if You Want Them to Succeed. As a school administrator, I saw repeatedly that it worked out best for the child’s development when parents received my coaching and allowed for natural consequences to take place. So, dear parents, if you can take the long-view approach to parenting, I believe it will give you a better perspective in the short-term and enable you to ‘back off’ and allow natural consequences to shape and mature your child along the way. Let’s leave the snowplowing for the roads!
