Our Lives Can Be Messy and That's When God Does His Best Work
Proverbs 14: 4 declares, “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come from the strength of the ox.” At times we lament the mess of life and the hard, but privileged task of rearing children. Maybe our homes are not as tidy or clean as we would like them to be, but there will come a day when there will be no ox in the barn, and the manger will be clean. This will come all too soon, so let’s keep perspective on childrearing and be thankful. We may not feel thankful for life’s messes, but by faith we can give thanks, knowing that God is working all things together for good to those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
I grew up on a farm; farm life is messy in many ways. When I go back to visit my family in Indiana, I enjoy visiting this one barn, owned by my nephew and his wife. It is a beautiful wedding venue, complete with white linen tablecloths and exquisite chandeliers. It is never messy because its use is different from the original intent. God’s original intent was for man to live in perfect fellowship with Him, but sin entered, and the relationship was broken. However, because of God’s great love, He sent Jesus to pay our sin-debt in order that we might be reconciled to Him through faith in Jesus, so that the beauty of His glory might be evident in our lives.
Families are messy businesses. God’s design for families is a hierarchy of authority: God is our authority, and we are our children’s. Have you noticed there is a resistance to obedience emanating from hearts that want their own way – whether it’s us as parents toward God or children toward their parents? I’m grieved by the sin that besets me, wanting things my way. I think…how could I have thought or said that, or behaved that way? I’m thinking of a particular situation with one of my dearest relationships, that of my 10-year-old granddaughter. I felt like my kindness and generosity were being taken advantage of, and I responded less than Christlike. I apologized, and she did also. Forgiveness allows relationships to be restored. God grants us grace to regroup, back up, and set things right. In reflecting on this relationship and others, it seems that the relationships which we hold most dear and value above life itself, we can mess up the most. Do you find that to be true?
As you take stock, do you compare your life and your relationships with others, thinking they have tidier lives and a more put together family? This comparison can cause pride or dissatisfaction. Neither is from the Lord. Social media has exacerbated this comparison trap, and the enemy has used it to bring about discontentment and worse, has caused us to believe God is not good (that original lie). It’s difficult to teach our children to be content if we struggle with receiving the goodness of the Lord in our own lives.
Rearing children is an ongoing lesson in the school of self-sacrificing. The fruit that God desires to produce in our lives comes from the struggles with the mess. Remember, our goal is not to be the perfect parent nor to raise perfect children, but to rear children who come to know their perfect Savior. That is our mission. Even our mess can become a ministry in God’s omnipotent hands as He strengthens, sustains, and turns it for our good and His glory.
All too quickly, my husband and I are at the stage when there are no more ox in the stable. However, a few years ago, our daughter and her family lived with us for a season, and we welcomed back the mess. Weeks after their departure, we found evidence of little toys around the house, under chairs and inside cupboards. We missed the tangible messes and imperfect conversations interrupted by little hands and loud voices. Why do we yearn for what we do not have as if that one thing were the key to _______? If we can just hold on until…! Ask the Lord to give you joy in the now.
In closing, if you feel like life is too overwhelming, maybe it’s time to unplug and back away from a few things so that you can find joy in the Lord and in your children - God’s original intent. Hit pause and reflect on the truth that you are called to rear a child, made in the image of God, who will one day know Jesus as Savior. Ask God for grace to make wise choices based on your family’s needs. Release yourself from guilt and comparison – from things that don’t really matter.
We will always have struggles, hardships, and messy moments this side of our eternal home, but look at these as opportunities to draw closer to Jesus. Let these thoughts remind us that we are not yet home, and Jesus hasn’t returned to make all things new. In the meantime, know that one day, all too soon, you will long for the days when socks were strewn, laundry piled high, and little toys were hidden under furniture. Savor the now; savor the perfectly imperfect.
Dear ones, keep the mess in perspective and thank God for using it to sanctify you. Remember that God’s mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23), and not only has He redeemed us with new life in Christ, if you know Jesus as your Savior, but He is reorienting our hearts as we show our children what real faith looks like – not flawless, but desirous of walking in God’s ways. And when we do this, He can redeem our messes for His glory.
