“This Parenting Thing is So Hard”
This was an exact quote from Kristen Welch, author of our book study, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World. I don’t know many people who like doing hard things. I don’t, and I like peace in the home. Sometimes I would say yes to things because I wanted to avoid the hard work of the fallout that would come by saying no. Do you ever succumb to that?
Recently, I met with a couple. They were delightful and receptive to a few suggestions. After uncovering some issues, it was refreshing to hear that the mom was honest in her assessment of her parenting style. The mom was a compliant child with an authoritative mom. She was rearing a strong-willed child and did not want to repeat the same parenting style under which she was reared. The pendulum had swung completely to the opposite side. Neither extreme is biblical. In other words, she was hesitant to do the ‘hard things.’ What was so encouraging was this: she was honest in her assessment, open to stepping into her God-given role as she made changes; and her husband was supportive and understanding. Keeping a sense of humor, their healthy relationship was foundational to make hard choices with the child’s best interest in mind. The Lord disciplines those He loves, as a father (mother) corrects the son (daughter) in whom he (she) delights (Proverbs 3:12). Biblical parenting is loving your child enough to impress upon them the seriousness of sin and the importance of obedience toward parental authority.
Think over this past week. When did you give a consequence that interrupted your time or that caused an imposition on you? When did you follow through on your word rather than acquiesce in your decision? On the other hand, when did you respond in a way that was less heart-wrenching for you because it was easier and quicker? Sadly, that choice did not train your child’s heart toward obedience and righteousness. I did my best parenting work when I did not over-talk, did not make requests by saying “okay?” at the end of a directive, did not excuse sinful behavior, nor outright disobedience, nor sassy disrespect, and responded without anger or sharp criticism.
Rearing children is a sacrificial calling. Tedd Tripp talks about the age of birth-5 years when “children come into the world as self-sovereigns.” They must learn that parents are God’s authority to train and teach, discipline, and instruct. It takes parental sacrifice of time to address a child’s heart, not merely the outward behavior. Too often, we discipline out of anger, frustration, or embarrassment with a quick-fix in mind. With preschoolers, I suggest that you discipline the behavior, then train the heart toward repentance and restoration. If the child is emotional, wait until the tears are dry. Keep the dialogue short and speak as few of words as possible. Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening – it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” Some children respond quicker than others to training and instruction. Don’t give up if you’re not seeing fruit immediately! Love your child enough to remain consistent in doing the hard work of biblical parenting. And set your child up for success by giving instructions on your expectation in each situation.
Pray for God’s wisdom daily and know that God’s grace is sufficient even when we mess up. Know that the Lord’s love and compassions never fail; they are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22). How wonderful that each day, God brings new mercies toward us and our children.
