Sleepovers – To Do, or Not To Do, That is the Question

Your child is barely seven and has been invited to his or her first sleepover; panic sets in. You realize you and your husband have never discussed this and so you spring into action. You call the mom asking her to fill out their family tree and sign a release allowing you to do a background check. This is meant to be funny, but in all seriousness, let’s consider a few things. 

First of all, my recommendation is to discuss this with your spouse before the first invitation arrives and set up family guidelines, so you’re prepared. There is no biblical command that prohibits them, so this is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of acting with wisdom and discernment. Consider possible situations your child might be exposed to even if you feel like you know the family well: pornography – while the host family might follow hard and fast rules regarding the use of electronic devices, things can go awry; consider movies – even Christian families have  differing views on their convictions for what movies are appropriate; consider seemingly innocent games, just to name a few. It’s not abnormal to think that older children might decide to join the party with no supervision, not to mention your child being alone, outside of your care, and emotionally ill-equipped to handle certain situations. At the very least, your child will most likely return to you deprived of sleep and loaded with sugar. This alone affects the family dynamic for the weekend.

James Dobson, who died almost six months ago today, reports that parents need to think the unthinkable in these situations. He further stated that he dealt with little victims and saw the pain in their eyes as a result of sleepovers. He believes the threat is so pervasive that parents should not allow their children to participate in them.

Perhaps you had wonderful experiences with sleepovers. Perhaps you did not. I was exposed to a Ouija board and a dangerous game of fainting (holding of breath and someone squeezing the chest so hard that the person fainted). Everyone had a turn. This could have resulted in a devastating consequence. Thankfully, it never did. I had a hunch it was wrong, but I never spoke up. Tim Challis, theologian, pastor, and author known for the importance of discernment in the Christian faith, shared about his experience with their small-town chief of police and said the officer told him that if he had learned anything in his many years of law enforcement it was this: “Don’t let your kids sleep over.” Consequently, Challis and his wife did not allow their children to participate in sleepovers.

So, you need to consider all of this and more and weigh the benefits against the risks. Perhaps you think this is fear-based parenting. I don’t. Actually, I believe that until a child is old enough and mature enough to handle tough situations, it is the parents’ responsibility to place boundaries around certain activities; a sleepover is one of those. So, determine your plan and communicate your decision with wisdom and discretion; details of your reasoning are not required especially when your children are younger. Children must learn to trust their parents’ judgement. Afterall, they will transfer that same trust to their heavenly Father one day, prayerfully. Regardless of what you decide, make sure to teach your child safeguards around various situations, including sleepovers, if you decide to allow your child to participate.  Finally, pray for wisdom. James 1:5 tells us that if we lack wisdom, to ask of God who will give it to us generously and without reproach.